Did you forget something?

Writing this after watching England win to qualify in the World Cup, there isn't too much to be grumpy about. Then again, the first 2 games were appalling so I can't see me being too optimistic in the near future.

Walking around town earlier today reminded my of something that I think is really stupid. Girls wearing leggings as the only item of clothing to cover their bottom half:

I don't think that there's a single person out there that this looks good on. Anyone that knows me will be quick to say that I'm no fashionista and I'm sure that I regularly make massive fashion mistakes, but at least I remember to put my trousers on every morning.

I'm perfectly happy for women to wear leggings, leggings are good, just put your skirt or trousers on too. Everyone can see your pants, and even the best arse looks pretty dreadful in leggings only. Skirts are nice, wear them.

If you're reading this and think that you look cool when you wear a lumberjack shirt and leggings then you're wrong. If I could afford it I'd buy a billboard in East London to try to stop girls in Shoreditch from dressing like this. It's not an issue of me wanting every girl to be demure and cover up, it's just that it looks terrible.

And it's not just trendy London folk either.I've been pretty kind in the picture I put in above. I've only focussed on the problems that leggings have on a girls bum. There's a big thing (sometimes a MASSIVE thing) that's even worse and that's the dreaded camel toe... If you don't know what a camel toe is then search for it in Google images and turn your safe search off.

I was at Alton Towers recently and walking round was scarier than the rides. It turns out that Northern girls have just discovered leggings. And it's not just young, healthy women wearing them. It's women who have had a couple of kids and more than a couple of kebabs. Leggings force skin into places that I don't want to see. Maybe their local primark ran out of skirts, maybe they dropped a burger on themselves on the coach there? Whatever the reason, it's not good enough. NOBODY wants to see your camel toe. Put it away

Camping

The summer is upon us. Glorious sunshine falls down upon us for literally minutes at a time and people are arranging holidays to far flung places to enjoy yet more sun. We scrape together enough money to stay in the best place we can afford and relax in more luxury and with better facilities than our homes. A sensible move and a way to justify in your mind the months of hard work that have paid for it.

That is, except for a small collective who like to throw away common sense and stay in an over-sized plastic bag for days at a time with no running water, toilets, or beds. These strange, strange people like to go camping. Why?? Why would you holiday in conditions worse than those that you live in at home??? I can just about tolerate tents at festivals. It's a necessary trade off for enjoying music. But away from this, it's just bizarre.

Now, I'm not talking about people who can't afford to go somewhere nice. Of course there should be a form of holidaying for all people. I'm talking about people who can afford better. Who have good jobs. Who have nice houses. People who normally make sensible decisions. I can't work out where in their minds they think that it makes sense to go and pitch up in a field with a load of strangers in close proximity. Campsites aren't some romantic getaway where the wind blows through the hills and the only noise you hear are the merry chirps of birdsong and the flow of a river through a scenic valley. They're a field in a farm with shared toilets (always caked in shit) far away from civilisation and no protection from the weather. A terrible experience.

Your possessions are not safe as a tent offers no security, the floor hurts your back and you'll invariably return back miserable and regretful that you didn't book a hotel. Anyone who tries to argue otherwise is lying to themselves.

We've evolved beyond camping, there's no need to go back.

Tattoo much

The human body is an incredible thing. It works magnificently well without us even thinking for a second about how amazing it is.

Being the creative, imaginative people that we are, we then decide that we'll customise the body that we've been given. People chose new hair styles and colours, wear different types of clothes and vary our weight. There's one way that irritates the hell out of me though. You've probably guessed it from the name of the article. It's tattoos.

Those that get them say they're wonderful, individual and make a statement or mark an event. To me all they do is spoil a perfectly formed body. The seemingly constant trend of girls tattooing the small of their back (the tramp stamp) is the biggest shame of all. In a previous life as a single man, it was a constant disappointment to see (out the corner of my eye) a pretty girl lean over to pick up a coin, pen or lipstick only to reveal the hideousness of the tattoo thus:

A previously attractive girl then lost any notion of individuality, originality or common sense.

If you really like the image then take a picture/print one off and carry it in your pocket! Then when it gets tired, stretched or faded you can print another. Alternatively buy a load of transfers. They look just as effective and you can change them when you want.

Let's say that something actually transpired with one of those girls (a long shot I know). The last thing I'd want to do in the heat of the moment is try to translate a Celtic script or work out why this girl likes angel wings so much that she'd want to put them on a part of the body that she can see only slightly better than the back of her head.