Honey I shrunk the jumper

Hand wash only. 3 little words that spark 4 letter outbursts.

I don’t like shopping much. I get in and get out, dodging teenagers trying on hats and asking my myself  why the shop  hasn’t got round to either installing air con for the summer, or turning down the furnace-like heaters in winter.

So, it makes it all the more irritating when I’ve battled through the pain, have worn the new item and then decided to wash it. I toss it in the machine, add powder and press start. Simple. Then when the cycle has ended, to my instant annoyance, I realise that my brand new jumper/shirt/anything has shrunk down to a small child’s size. I kid myself for a couple of seconds... “I can stretch it out” I say, “it’ll be ok”. I hang it next to a trusted old shirt that will accompany the new garment. They’re clearly never going to fit together. Cue a four letter outburst and much irritation.

Quite clearly, the thing that has riled me the most is that this is totally 100% my mistake. The label clearly says ‘Hand wash only’ and it has happened to me many times before. There’s one thing I hate more than incompetence, and that’s my incompetence.  So I ignore it and swear heartedly at the machine for not treating the garment with more care, at the manufacturers for making an item unsuitable for the modern world and finally at the shop for selling it to a clearly incompetent man.  I tell you what though, If I ever have a 10 year old son, he will be the best dressed kid at school.